THE AGE OF THE IDENTITY CRISIS

Dear readers, I have been writing, but nothing I have written strikes me as blog-worthy. I hope to increase the amount I post but for the meantime this is an adaptation of something I had written down and forgotten about, then – thanks to a friend – remembered suddenly. I hope if you’re reading this, that my message lifts you.
Thanks for reading guys, it’s deeply appreciated.
– Julie

I’ve recently come to a conclusion that in 2000 or so years from now in the year 4015 AD, that the name of our Era will be The Age of the Identity Crisis. Seeing as everybody around us when questioned about their aspirations, goals and dreams or even their current situation you can safely assume that (like you are) they are also taking time to decide, or just figure out who it is they want to be, and who it is they’re meant to be.

It's a struggle. What with every magazine, TV show, movie and let's not forget social media outlets like Facebook and Instagram practically outlining and reinforcing the expectations of society.

But where do you draw the line? When is enough, enough? When is it too much?

We all are plagued with the overwhelming need for acceptance, from everyone. Even people who we don't necessarily like. It's become an epidemic. Everyone has to like you, and you'll do everything and anything to ensure that they do, and the media knows this. Society knows this.

The sad and all too inconvenient truth is that we have become worse than drones. Why worse? Because a drone is programmed to carry out specific orders and designed specifically for their task, whereas we humans have a conscience, and the ability to rationalize. We get to develop our own opinions and have our own ideas. So why don't we? It's simple. Conformity to society provides individuals with a false feeling of 'belonging' which then leads to the all too easy remedy of their lost identity.

This is a problem.

Why? Because this new found identity and sense of belonging is nothing but short lived. Soon enough the person you have become, rather, the person whom society formed becomes your worst enemy. You slowly start to work against yourself, something doesn't quite click. You read more magazines, you buy more make up, you drink more at parties, you chase after this new identity of yours and then you realize, it's all fake. The second you stop conforming, you cease to belong and who you are while you aren't conforming isn't accepted. Then you're left with nothing but a few fake friends, a bigger identity crisis than you began with and to top it off, a lack of self-worth.

Obviously, I have been through somewhat of the same experience, being a young adult myself. Here's what I now understand that I wish I understood back then.

'Who you are, is a reflection of what other's see in you.'

That's the golden rule. Who you are is a collection of what other people see in you, for instance, my family see me as 'daughter' 'sister' 'niece' 'granddaughter' 'cousin' something as simple as my place in my family, already creates the aura of belonging. Now, if we expand past the general titles and labels, you will notice that who we are actually differs around all kinds of people. At work I am sophisticated and confident and outgoing. I am respected and I am able to make decisions and work efficiently. But with my friends, I'm less likely to call the shots, and I can be a little more indecisive. I can be selfless in the eyes of some, and selfish in the eyes of others. I can be nice to some people and other people will think I'm a total bitch. Why is all of this important? It's simple. Who you are cannot be determined by anyone else. Why? Because even though 'Who you are is a reflection of what other's see in you" YOU are the person who shows them only what you want them to see.

So here's my tip. Go home, on your PC, in your journals or anywhere that you can go back and read it. Write down who you are, and read it aloud, and if you don't know who you are, or you’re just not happy with your answer keep looking. It’s okay not to know who you are, the important thing is that you never stop learning about yourself, so go ahead, learn, search and during your conquest remember, who you are, no matter what, is unique and extraordinary, you don’t need to fit in perfectly with other people, you just need to fit into your own skin.

An Inconvenient Truth

Something that got my attention recently, is how easy it is for girls to compromise themselves, and their dignity. This isn't meant to come off as judgmental, so please don't take it that way ladies, but really, truly I've started to notice even amongst adult women, females are really compromising everything about themselves. They become disposable objects to men who will have a good time with them, and look for a commitment to someone else, and then these girls make excuses for them like "Oh but his great grandmother passed away three months ago."
Common ladies! Be better than that. You deserve better than that!
I know what I'm about to say may come off as a little bit controversial, but I'm going to say it anyway- Men (or really any human being) will only treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated. It's all about you, and if you let them get away with something once, they will inevitably make an attempt at getting away with it again OR they will take it a step further.
Now, this isn't a rant about girls who degrade themselves, and how over it I am, and how much it angers me - no. This is my message to girls who feel like they may be falling into this kind of lifestyle, or for girls who have a friend who may be, and want to know how to help them. 

I was only young when I heard this at a retreat when I was still in school. I can't remember the speaker's name, but he was absolutely brilliant, here's what he taught me.

Females ask themselves THREE main questions.

1. Am I beautiful?
2. Will anyone ever love me?
3. Will I always be alone?

Which leads me to my point. In asking yourself these questions what you're ultimately doing is looking for the answer. When looking for this answer it's important to remember a few essential things.

✓ Yes, you are beautiful
✓ Yes, someone will love you (people already love you)
✓ No, you are not alone (Face it you pessimists you can't be born without the contribution of two people)

Now I'm not kidding myself by believing that just because I said so, you will all read this and believe it. But here's the catch- It doesn't matter what I think, it matters what YOU think of yourself.

See this is how you land yourself onto the track of compromising yourself or your beliefs or your standards in a relationship girls. You ask yourself these questions, but you're so desperate to confirm that you will find someone who answers and reassures you of the answers to all these questions that you start to accept anything that comes your way, or worse, you start to force yourself into accepting the bare minimum.

My advice? Set your standards.

1. The non-negotiables

Ladies it's not that hard to figure out what you deem to be what you want in a man. So decide on three things that are non-negotiable and simply do not negotiate or compromise them. For example, my man has to be Catholic (enough so that I don't have to drag Him to church or to pray with me), intelligent (enough to hold a conversation with me) and  assertive (aggressive enough to argue with me but passive enough to let me have my own opinions)

2. The preferentials.
These are the things you prefer your man to be,  but you can live with him not being all of them and only some of them, set these too and prioritise them. I'd preffer him to be funny, down to earth, somewhat attractive, fit, and has a degree in a stable job...

3. The deal breakers.
These are the things that you can not, will not and do not accept from a man, ever. They aren't your non negotiables, they're the things you can not accept from any man, even if he meets the non-negotiables and all of your preferentials. No porn or strip clubs, No violence, and he can not be a tight ass.

4. For the Catholic girls; Pray!
I believe you should pray for your future husband, because chances are he already exists in the world. But I also believe that in saying that all the catholic girls would agree that they should start respecting their future husbands now, by respecting themselves. St Joseph is the perfect Saint to pray to, he was the most perfect and chaste spouse!

After you set your standards girls, remind yourselves of them every time you're considering a guy as a potential boyfriend. Ladies this in no way means that you don't date a guy, you date them and figure out wether or not they're real potential or just surface standard. Remember, girls don't necessarily choose the kinds of guys that approach them all the time, so when a good guy does, give him a chance. It shouldn't take more than a couple of dates to figure out you want him as a boyfriend rather than "a guy I'm kind of seeing."

Lastly, for the guys who are potentially reading this, my advice can and will apply for you too! God Bless :)