Always Good Never Perfect

Have you ever noticed that no matter how good you are, there's still always someone out there uttering the words "You're still not perfect though!" behind your back/in your ear/to your face?

I have.

For a long time I battled with not feeling as good as I could be, or -- as the new popular phrase goes -- I hadn't been feeling like "my best self" #2018. 

So now that I am in a place where I am not only financially stable and reaching my goals successfully, but am also comfortable in my own skin and with who I am as a person, I take small niggles and comments at what I still am not "good" at personally. 

You see, I believe in a little thing called *personal growth* which means that I believe that people can change/can grow/can mature/can become wiser - all through experience. 

I was never a perfect person, but I was never a bad one either. I just grew out of old habits which were pulling me down and impeding on my potential. I worked hard, and I made something of myself that I am proud of. 

That doesn't mean I am done working hard, or trying my best or that I have reached the maximum of my potential. 

It means that I have clarity, that I have confidence and that I am connected to myself and grounded in my life. 

It means that my goals are my own and my actions are my responsibility. 

So when I am caught in a situation where someone is comfortable enough in their own imperfect life to tell me that my life is imperfect - I take it with a big spoon full of salt. (not just a grain) 

Be it that I don't necessarily look at other people and notice their imperfections right away/ or that I have been through enough in my life (even the self inflicted things) to know that I can't judge anyone else on their imperfections any more than I would like to be judged on mine, I just don't like it.

But, here's why I am wrong. 

I am good, but I am not perfect. This is true. 

So instead of hating on that person, or taking offense to their pickiness/judgement/comments on how imperfect I am - I should thank them. 

See, you should never stop trying to be better than your "good", you should always work towards enhancements. That's the real personal growth. 

It's not taking offence to a person who tells you you're not enough, it's about knowing that you are enough, but your life can always do with some minor improvements. Be it personal, physical, mental or spiritual - you can always be a step or two closer to who you were always meant to be.

It doesn't mean you aren't good, or you aren't better than you were before - it means you're never going to stop being good/getting better - with time, with age and with wisdom!

I am always going to be good, and my good is always going to get better - but I am never going to be perfect. 

An Inconvenient Truth

Something that got my attention recently, is how easy it is for girls to compromise themselves, and their dignity. This isn't meant to come off as judgmental, so please don't take it that way ladies, but really, truly I've started to notice even amongst adult women, females are really compromising everything about themselves. They become disposable objects to men who will have a good time with them, and look for a commitment to someone else, and then these girls make excuses for them like "Oh but his great grandmother passed away three months ago."
Common ladies! Be better than that. You deserve better than that!
I know what I'm about to say may come off as a little bit controversial, but I'm going to say it anyway- Men (or really any human being) will only treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated. It's all about you, and if you let them get away with something once, they will inevitably make an attempt at getting away with it again OR they will take it a step further.
Now, this isn't a rant about girls who degrade themselves, and how over it I am, and how much it angers me - no. This is my message to girls who feel like they may be falling into this kind of lifestyle, or for girls who have a friend who may be, and want to know how to help them. 

I was only young when I heard this at a retreat when I was still in school. I can't remember the speaker's name, but he was absolutely brilliant, here's what he taught me.

Females ask themselves THREE main questions.

1. Am I beautiful?
2. Will anyone ever love me?
3. Will I always be alone?

Which leads me to my point. In asking yourself these questions what you're ultimately doing is looking for the answer. When looking for this answer it's important to remember a few essential things.

✓ Yes, you are beautiful
✓ Yes, someone will love you (people already love you)
✓ No, you are not alone (Face it you pessimists you can't be born without the contribution of two people)

Now I'm not kidding myself by believing that just because I said so, you will all read this and believe it. But here's the catch- It doesn't matter what I think, it matters what YOU think of yourself.

See this is how you land yourself onto the track of compromising yourself or your beliefs or your standards in a relationship girls. You ask yourself these questions, but you're so desperate to confirm that you will find someone who answers and reassures you of the answers to all these questions that you start to accept anything that comes your way, or worse, you start to force yourself into accepting the bare minimum.

My advice? Set your standards.

1. The non-negotiables

Ladies it's not that hard to figure out what you deem to be what you want in a man. So decide on three things that are non-negotiable and simply do not negotiate or compromise them. For example, my man has to be Catholic (enough so that I don't have to drag Him to church or to pray with me), intelligent (enough to hold a conversation with me) and  assertive (aggressive enough to argue with me but passive enough to let me have my own opinions)

2. The preferentials.
These are the things you prefer your man to be,  but you can live with him not being all of them and only some of them, set these too and prioritise them. I'd preffer him to be funny, down to earth, somewhat attractive, fit, and has a degree in a stable job...

3. The deal breakers.
These are the things that you can not, will not and do not accept from a man, ever. They aren't your non negotiables, they're the things you can not accept from any man, even if he meets the non-negotiables and all of your preferentials. No porn or strip clubs, No violence, and he can not be a tight ass.

4. For the Catholic girls; Pray!
I believe you should pray for your future husband, because chances are he already exists in the world. But I also believe that in saying that all the catholic girls would agree that they should start respecting their future husbands now, by respecting themselves. St Joseph is the perfect Saint to pray to, he was the most perfect and chaste spouse!

After you set your standards girls, remind yourselves of them every time you're considering a guy as a potential boyfriend. Ladies this in no way means that you don't date a guy, you date them and figure out wether or not they're real potential or just surface standard. Remember, girls don't necessarily choose the kinds of guys that approach them all the time, so when a good guy does, give him a chance. It shouldn't take more than a couple of dates to figure out you want him as a boyfriend rather than "a guy I'm kind of seeing."

Lastly, for the guys who are potentially reading this, my advice can and will apply for you too! God Bless :)